On mine arm they shall trust

This morning a sweet Facebook friend posted this selection from Spurgeon's Morning and Evenng. It proved to be one of those times when a word stuck with me through the day. It so caught at me that throughout the day, it never strayed far from my thoughts. How badly I have been practicing what Spurgeon here preaches. 

This has been the sweetest comfort that I have felt since the day Joe died. 

"On mine arm shall they trust." 
Isaiah 51:5

In seasons of severe trial, the Christian has nothing on earth that he can trust to, and is therefore compelled to cast himself on his God alone. When his vessel is on its beam-ends, and no human deliverance can avail, he must simply and entirely trust himself to the providence and care of God. Happy storm that wrecks a man on such a rock as this! O blessed hurricane that drives the soul to God and God alone! There is no getting at our God sometimes because of the multitude of our friends; but when a man is so poor, so friendless, so helpless that he has nowhere else to turn, he flies into his Father's arms, and is blessedly clasped therein! When he is burdened with troubles so pressing and so peculiar, that he cannot tell them to any but his God, he may be thankful for them; for he will learn more of his Lord then than at any other time. Oh, tempest-tossed believer, it is a happy trouble that drives thee to thy Father! Now that thou hast only thy God to trust to, see that thou puttest thy full confidence in him. Dishonour not thy Lord and Master by unworthy doubts and fears; but be strong in faith, giving glory to God. Show the world that thy God is worth ten thousand worlds to thee. Show rich men how rich thou art in thy poverty when the Lord God is thy helper. Show the strong man how strong thou art in thy weakness when underneath thee are the everlasting arms. Now is the time for feats of faith and valiant exploits. Be strong and very courageous, and the Lord thy God shall certainly, as surely as he built the heavens and the earth, glorify himself in thy weakness, and magnify his might in the midst of thy distress. The grandeur of the arch of heaven would be spoiled if the sky were supported by a single visible column, and your faith would lose its glory if it rested on anything discernible by the carnal eye. May the Holy Spirit give you to rest in Jesus this closing day of the month.

So I can read this and assent to it with mind and spirit as heartily as I could wish. And I can tell to myself to rejoice in the trial and to trust in God, but I cannot shake the sadness that shades everything I do, and I cannot pretend that I do not hurt. I can trust God's providence and yet am still ill at the mention of what happened. Is that ok? 

I am feeble and crushed;

I groan because of the tumult of my heart.

O Lord, all my longing is before you;

my sighing is not hidden from you.

My heart throbs; my strength fails me,

and the light of my eyes—it also has gone from me.

But for you, O Lord, do I wait;

it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer.

For I am ready to fall,

and my pain is ever before me.

I confess my iniquity;

I am sorry for my sin.

Do not forsake me, O Lord!

O my God, be not far from me!

Make haste to help me,

O Lord, my salvation! (Psalm 38:8-10, 15, 17, 18, 21, 22 ESV)