all things for good

One of the first things I read after Joe passed away was John Murray's little pamphlet, "Behind a Frowning Providence." Of all the excellent things he wrote, the sentence that stayed with me was this, quoting a widower, "If an angel from heaven told me that this would work for my good I would not believe him but because thy Word says it I must believe it."

Psalm 25 became one of my favorites this past spring, not quite sure why. I think the Lord gave it to me to get me ready for grieving. I read it every day for a couple of weeks before Joe died. My daily prayer had been verses 4-5: "Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long." And I expected to reap verse 10: "All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies." I guess I had my own definition of what I considered to be paths of love and faithfulness.

And then that horrible day, there it was foremost in my mind. At that moment, the phrase that stood out clearly was, "To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul." And for days after every prayer and every thought felt like it took serious soul effort. A lot of times, that was all I could pray. Like Spurgeon said, "Pray, 'There it is, Lord. My eyes are on You.'"

Since then I've read Psalm 25 countless times, used it as my prayer when I couldn't pray words of my own. Cried a lot over verses 25-18. "My eyes are ever toward the LORD for he will pluck my feet out of the net. Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses. Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins."

Tonight I was in the psalm again, going back to it after another day of tears, another day of wondering why it happened this way. And the thought occurred to me after reading verse ten again and thinking about it that it's kind of like the Romans 8:28 of the OT. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies. And that encouraged me. Romans 8 is so triumphant and shoved in my face (not its fault!!) and I just feel so sad. Psalm 25 has given me a voice for my sadness without throwing away one bit of my trust in God's sovereignty.